Sunday, September 21, 2008

Before I Segue For Good

My Physical Terrorist--I mean Therapist--let's call him Wayne (again), says I'm likely to regain most if not all of my range of motion. The pain isn't gone yet but it's manageable and I'm completely free of narcotics and the lovely withdrawal symptoms that followed physical dependence. So I'm ready to move on from the whole incident. But, before I do, I feel compelled to list a few of the things you should consider before you decide to take a ride on a Segway:

How long do you think you could function without the use of one of your arms? Try wiping your bottom, zipping your sweatshirt, hooking or unhooking your bra, tying on your apron (never mind, you can't do any cooking), washing dishes (really, try washing dishes with one hand, even your dominant hand), driving, styling your hair, or putting on socks. I could go on. I could add other intimate activities that might prove embarrassing. But you get the idea. I want you to think long and hard. And if you decide to go ahead, that's cool, just be prepared to assume the risk. I did and it sucked.

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